Those four years from fifteen to nineteen I thought I was managing life just fine without God in my life. The big whammy came in a notice in the mail from Uncle Sam saying "Greetings! We need you, son". I got brief exposure to the Lord once again in VietNam after a few firefights. When we got the rare opportunity to get out of the field I would look up the chaplain no matter what denomination and find out when the next service was. I attended the service first and then did the normal things; get more medical supplies, mail from my family, a messhall meal, beer, hot or cold, and of course all the drugs I could use before we went back out into the bush. So as a result I came home from Nam, a basket case, as some men do not adjust to civilian life very well after war, and I was one of them. The only way I could make it was a maximum dose of alcohol and drugs every day. I still had no personal relationship with the Lord and this earthly life kept getting worse as far as personal problems and addictions. Satan had me in his baby cradle as I was suicidal and homicidal. I even went as far as the syndicate drug world before Miami Vice popularized it on TV. The Lord got me out of that situation and I didn't even ASK for His help. It's like "the Lord moves in mysterious ways" but also when He WANTS to move, as well. I was going crazy or at least I THOUGHT I was, but I came to find out that I had been diagnosed with PTSD. Those at the VA explained to me what it was. High stress levels is the bottom line. I know this is rather lengthy but I want you to submit what ever kind of testimony the Lord leads you to do, long or short. Anyway, not having the Lord in my life cost me my first marriage. I later got into another non Christian relationship and lived the worldly way. "Party Hearty" was my motto, but it all came crashing down when my wife left for another lover. It was kind of like Nam all over again, losing two women in a row. I had just started hanging out with a Marine sniper who just happened to be a pastor. His name is Swede and we always welcomed him when we were doing JD pot. Swede never "bible-thumped" us; he just treated us like Jesus would have, as Jesus dined with the drunkards and concubines. So to continue, I was at my lowest and I knew Swede had a 7pm Sunday service and it was a very small one. I went drunk and the message was PSALM 63. You might consider reading it as a renewal. Yes, Sunday, June 10th, 1990, I made my commitment. I had some serious backslides in my early Christian days. Man, I love that bumper sticker, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven" as we ALL know that there was only one sinless soul on earth and that was Jesus, sent to us as the perfect example. I, like any Christian, go through daily battles with Satan and this earthly life's challenges INCLUDING my PTSD issues, but I have Jesus Christ to call on and He gets me through it every time. I wish I had learned a lot of things sooner instead of later, but God has a DESTINY for all of us from the day of birth and we get to exercise free will like Adam and Eve. Unfortunately, we make some decisions without the Lord or out of Self. Now that I have written just to open the door for some of you to start, please do so. I would like to use your testimonies to send to inmates--if you do not want your testimony in the news letter please say so. Email me telling me that is not your wish or that you wish to remain anonymous. Remember, God loves you and so do I.